Florida Man Gives Out Copper Wiring and Perc-30s To Trick-Or-Treaters

Local parents were distressed last Wednesday when they found bits of copper wiring and assorted pills in their children’s Halloween bags rather than Skittles and Butterfingers. The culprit of this cruel treat-related trick was 38-year-old Jason Strickland, who answered only to “J-Sticc.” 

Strickland was arrested following an altercation with his HOA President involving a twelve-foot-tall lawn skeleton and dubious amounts of Pop Rocks. “You can’t take J-Sticc alive! The spirits of Halloween will curse your bloodline,” he exclaimed as he was taken into custody. Strickland has been previously arrested twice, once for possession of illegal methamphetamines and once for possession of a dolphin with intent to distribute. 

“We’ve had some other incidents with him, but this was the last straw,” said Bella Stafford, a neighbor and concerned mother. “I mean ‘last straw’ literally, because I caught him railing a line of Pixy Stix powder right before it all went down.” 

Another resident recalled a pattern of odd behavior from Strickland. “For whatever reason, he usually goes nuts around the holidays,” said a neighbor who wished to remain anonymous. “Last Christmas, I saw him strung out and sleeping on a mattress in his yard. You don’t even wanna know what orifices I saw candy canes sticking out of.” Unfortunately, The Eggplant was later provided photo evidence of this incident, so we are aware of the orifices in question.