Op-ed: I Want to Abandon My Upper-Middle-Class Life and Die in the Woods

As I sit on the boat ramp at my parents’ lake house, I reflect upon the course of my life and lament the circumstances I was born into. A lot of people think that because I’m incredibly privileged, I have it easy, and just because that’s correct doesn’t mean it’s true. If you think all you’ve ever wanted was lifelong financial security and fully paid tuition with zero student debt…YOU'RE WRONG! I’ve learned I’m destined for something more than a nice house, stability, a business degree, and a kitchen trashcan that’s hidden in a strange drawer. I’ve decided that I will abandon my upper-middle-class life to become one with nature. 

My plan is to run from home…I’ll leave a letter, something mysterious, something about Ralph Waldo Emerson. I’ll hitchhike to someplace west of here! I can feel the spirit of the woods and escape the rat race! I’ll finally know what it feels like to live on the edge. I’m sure I could come back any time, but like, y’know, it’s the general feeling. College is a bourgeois scam! Nature is my true home! I can learn the truths of life. You’ll all see…

I know what you must be wondering: Do you have any outdoor experience? And that is a great question. 

Publisher’s Note: The writer of this editorial was found deceased one week after the writing of this article. He had deep wounds and large cuts across his whole body. Experts believe he died of exposure.