Spring Break Plans Thwarted By Dastardly Ne’er-do-wells

EVIL LAIR, FL – Curses! Foiled again! My plans to enjoy a lovely spring break in Perdido Key were dashed by a group of conniving, simple-minded, well-intentioned college students enjoying alcoholic beverages together. How foolish of me to expect a day at the beach to remain untarnished by those addlepated cretins! 

Needless to say, I am no stranger to academics. I, too, perambulated the Ebenezer T. Washingbomb School For Nefarious Individuals when I wore a younger man’s clothes. However, my studies never included loudly conversing about the virtues of “TikToks” or “mogging” from within the confines of the Flora-Bama. How inconsiderate! How horrid! Despite my penchant for malicious schemes and dastardly plots, I never saw fit to disturb a lonely villain whilst he sipped a piña colada. Even evil-doers have standards!

What wretched hand drives those college students to interfere with my machinations? The answer may elude me forever, just like peace and quiet while I sunbathe on the shores of Orange Beach. If only I could conceive of a device to destroy them once and for all… then, mayhaps my tranquility would remain. Yes…yes, a machine capable of eliminating those pesky, meddling adolescents! It’s genius!

By the gods, I’ve done it again! No amount of chatbot-riddled essays can save you now, you fools! My vengeance shall be swift and merciless! I shall free myself of your sunburnt grasp forever, and return to my paperback copy of Reminders of Him with a freshly-opened Happy Dad in my clutches! MARK MY WORDS, SIMPLETONS! YOU WILL COME TO RUE THIS DAY, AND I SHALL BASK IN THE SERENITY OF A BEACH WITHOUT A SPIKEBALL NET!