Father Spouts off a Concerning Amount of Trivia About Secretariat

In an unexpected turn of events, your father apparently knows a concerning amount of racehorse trivia. When you offhandedly mentioned the Kentucky Derby at the family dinner table, this triggered an involuntary response from your father as he suddenly sat up straight.

“I knew Secretariat once,” he said solemnly. “He was like a father to me.”

Upon further inquiry, reports indicate that your father knows a slew of Secretariat trivia, including his birth date, location of death, star sign, political affiliation (Libertarian), religious affiliation (Vedic Hinduism), if he was married (neigh), and where he was during the Watergate building break-in in June 1972 (he was “just horsin’ around;” a likely story).

It is uncertain where your father acquired all this information from, why he has it memorized and ready to recite at any given moment, or why it is Secretariat, of all racehorses, he has designated as his horse of choice. Studies show that the next best course of action is to show him a couple of episodes of Bojack Horseman and see if his opinion changes.