In 2018, construction began on Florida State University’s student union with the anticipated opening of Fall 2020. Fast forward to Summer 2022 and the building remains closed for construction.

Greek Life formal season is in full swing, which means hundreds of girls nationwide are sucking every store dry of coolers that will be intricately painted with intimate details about their date and what he likes (beer, his frat, Wendy’s).

Parents' weekend came and went.

The flowers are blooming all around campus, freshmen are realizing they can’t keep saying they are going to, “switch out of pol- sci” and not actually do it, and seniors are remembering they have to take their grad photos.

If there’s one universal truth in life, it’s that no matter what there’s always going to be a white boy in the corner for the 3.

The bookworms of FSU, feeling the existential dread of their impending graduation along with their imminent 30-page research paper that’s due tomorrow, have begun roaming the halls of Strozier and Bellamy at 3 AM in hopes of feeling something.

It’s been a long road, but FSU’s second-best non-affiliated newspaper is finally shutting its doors.

There is something so sinister about that FSU Football locker room hype video.

Randy the sea turtle lived a peaceful life gliding waves and fertilizing eggs on the beaches of Florida, but everything changed when Florida State spring-breakers migrated to his part of town.

Spring has Sprung at Florida State University!

With nearly every major world power weighing in on this issue, it seems the balance of the whole geopolitical order is in shambles.

Every year, a new group of freshmen rolls into Tallahassee thinking that college is going to be a #litcrazymovie and that they’ll “find themselves” while they’re here.

Over the past few weeks, there have been reports of Black Mold, radon, and other carcinogens in select Florida State Buildings.

Suwannee Room, aka Mrs. Killings’ office, is the most prominent dining hall on the Florida State campus, sorry Seminole Cafe.

Campus has been so calm recently…perhaps too calm.

As much as we all love the miles and miles of comfort food that Suwannee provides, FSU’s branding team decided it was time to take the dining hall to the next level.

Together, the parental duo have been feeding weenies to hungry Noles all over campus in their three surprisingly convenient locations.

It seems yet again the University of Miami just falls short of Florida State University in every way except tuition.