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The Eggplant
BREAKING: The Funniest, Smartest, Sexiest Staff Writer is Graduating!
BREAKING: The Funniest, Smartest, Sexiest Staff Writer is Graduating!

Oh Eggplant, where do I even begin?

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The Eggplant FSUMay 5, 2023
Op-ed: Can We Stop Pretending the Food at 1851 Is Actually Good?
Op-ed: Can We Stop Pretending the Food at 1851 Is Actually Good?

A lot of credit is owed to the marketing geniuses behind the conglomerate of food options located at 1851.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 25, 2023
First-years Forced To Do Laundry in Landis Fountain
First-years Forced To Do Laundry in Landis Fountain

Ah yes, the quintessential coming-of-age moment for freshmen dorm crawlers residents -- doing laundry without mommy for the first time.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 24, 2023
Op-ed: Hey Starbucks, Maybe Think Twice About Charging Extra for Milk Substitutes
Op-ed: Hey Starbucks, Maybe Think Twice About Charging Extra for Milk Substitutes

I have many qualms with Starbucks.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 17, 2023
Op-ed: Could I Hypothetically Sue the University if I Theoretically Fell Down an Unlit Staircase, Suppositionally?
Op-ed: Could I Hypothetically Sue the University if I Theoretically Fell Down an Unlit Staircase, Suppositionally?

The Americans with Disability Act passed through the Senate with vast bipartisan support and was signed by George H.W. Bush in 1990.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 16, 2023
An Open Letter to the People Who Don’t Shut the Fuck up Upstairs in Strozier
An Open Letter to the People Who Don’t Shut the Fuck up Upstairs in Strozier

It’s the night before your big exam and you haven’t studied one bit.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 10, 2023
So, You Waved to Your Friend on Campus and They Didn’t See You. Here’s How to Cope:
So, You Waved to Your Friend on Campus and They Didn’t See You. Here’s How to Cope:

Picture this: You’re walking on campus, headed to your next class (I know, already a bit of a stretch, but stay with me here).

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 23, 2023
Op-ed: My Favorite Places to Park on Campus
Op-ed: My Favorite Places to Park on Campus

This one is for all the freshmen who are still new to campus. I hope you know that you are the reason why the parking situation sucks ass!

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 18, 2023
Op-ed: Turns Out You Shouldn’t Trust Everyone After Meeting Them Once!
Op-ed: Turns Out You Shouldn’t Trust Everyone After Meeting Them Once!

Recent events have been haunting me.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 15, 2022
8 First Date Questions To Ask On A First Date When You Need Questions To Ask On A First Date
8 First Date Questions To Ask On A First Date When You Need Questions To Ask On A First Date

Have you ever been on a first date and suddenly ran out of things to say?

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 9, 2022
Are Sorority Girls the Worst Dressed on Campus?
Are Sorority Girls the Worst Dressed on Campus?

As you walk through campus on any given day, you are likely to encounter a wide variety of people: professors with oversized coffee tumblers, freshmen dry-humping each other on Landis, student-athletes scootering late to class, and English majors trying to look mysterious.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 8, 2022
Sixth-Year Excited to Learn ‘Bowling’ is Being Offered as a Course
Sixth-Year Excited to Learn ‘Bowling’ is Being Offered as a Course

The long-anticipated Student Union is finally up and running (only 3 years late)

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 3, 2022
Suwannee Employee Caught Sneaking Wood Chips into the Food
Suwannee Employee Caught Sneaking Wood Chips into the Food

As of late, many students have noticed that food in their favorite of the nine circles of hell, the Suwannee Dining Hall, has become even more inedible than usual.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 27, 2022
Innovation Hub To Open ‘Playtime Section’ for Communications Majors Only
Innovation Hub To Open ‘Playtime Section’ for Communications Majors Only

In case you are a dumb freshman or clueless upperclassman who has never been to the Innovation Hub, here is a pretty accurate description to set the scene.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 24, 2022
Top SLUTTIEST Halloween costumes for SIGMA females
Top SLUTTIEST Halloween costumes for SIGMA females

The opportunity of wearing tighty wighties and a loose button-up shirt will definitely make you the talk of your friends' weirdly decorated and poorly planned costume party

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 22, 2022
It’s Cuffing Szn and the Stars Have It Out for You
It’s Cuffing Szn and the Stars Have It Out for You

With the changing of the leaves and dropping temps, suddenly everyone except for you has settled down with a 5’7 business major or a manic pixie dream girl, who they swear makes them really happy.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 20, 2022
Einstein Bagels Employees Are Fed up With Patrons Who Won’t “Shut That Fucking Door”
Einstein Bagels Employees Are Fed up With Patrons Who Won’t “Shut That Fucking Door”

Arguably one of the best and worst spots on campus to grab a bite to eat is the notorious Einstein Bros. Bagels.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 19, 2022
Local Student Finds a Feather-y Solution to FSU’s Housing Policy on Co-ed Living
Local Student Finds a Feather-y Solution to FSU’s Housing Policy on Co-ed Living

A post on the FSU Confessions Instagram page went viral last week where a student detailed their relationship problems like always…this particular post ruffled some feathers in the Tallahassee community.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 18, 2022
How To Walk On Campus Without Being a Fucking Nuisance
How To Walk On Campus Without Being a Fucking Nuisance

It’s your second week of classes.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 17, 2022
FSU’s Market Wednesday Welcomes Young Entrepreneurs With New OnlyFans Exhibition
FSU’s Market Wednesday Welcomes Young Entrepreneurs With New OnlyFans Exhibition

Every Wednesday student organizations set up tables along Legacy Walk, attempting to capture the attention of the student body.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 13, 2022
Newer Older

  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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