Tuesday was the anniversary of Trump’s election day, which naturally brought back all previously suppressed memories of politely excusing yourself to the bathroom to sob into your #ImWithHer t-shirt at whatever growingly upsetting function you attended to watch the election.
Read MoreIn this modern era, it’s impossible to make teens wait for anything. Whether it’s pirating half a season of Game of Thrones weeks before the premiere or stomping on a McDonald’s counter demanding Rick and Morty nugget sauce, these rowdy pre-humans have no patience.
Read MoreFeeling unduly welcome at an institution that celebrates slimy reptilian predators, white supremacist Richard Spencer was just spotted scurrying into Ben Hill Griffin Stadium holding a bottle of Drano, chanting, “It’s great to be a Florida hater.”
Read MoreAs Kyle Ellington Butts IV and his brothers in Delta Rho Alpha awakened for day three of their Wake Forest victory hangover, a collective growl of disapproval rose from the sticky floor of their frat house up to the smoke-stained ceiling, where the PBR rats had grown to an unusual size.
Read MoreJust as the cracks in the Arctic shelf and the depletion of the ozone layer can very fucking obviously be attributed to the fault of humans, attitude problems in nature can apparently be attributed to the folly of man. As tension in the cloud community rises in a battle for who humans think is cuter, Altostratus Cloud has taken bullying to the next level (the stratosphere, that is).
Read MoreWow, that sucked.
Read MoreDonald Trump announced Thursday that he will withdraw the United States from the Paris climate accord as the next step in his quest to undermine everything Barack Obama ever accomplished.
Read MoreYou may have been played, America. It's been 13 days since Pwesident Twump’s last decisive military action — or at least the last one to show up on my Facebook feed — and in the eyes of one reporter, that seems long enough for a childish warmonger to experience a complete change of heart.
Read MoreAfter news broke this weekend that President Trump removed Surgeon General Vivek Murthy from office, the nation and acting Surgeon General Trent-Adams were all wondering who would become the next king of the doctors.
Read MoreToday, grandparents across the globe are emerging from the wreckage of empty Peeps cartons and half-eaten chocolate bunnies.
Read MoreMaintaining his reputation as a callously Dickensian cheapskate even in the face of tragic humanity, President Trump announced on Tuesday that Syria would pay for the 59 Tomahawk missiles fired at Shayrat airfield last week. The invoice, which Trump mailed personally, asks for “eight Mar-a-Lagos worth of money” to be paid in full immediately to offset the million-dollar-each catalysts for another expensive and aimless war.
Read MorePepsi, the second choice for children everywhere, managed to disappoint adults last week through an advertisement that appropriated protest imagery for the purpose of selling a fizzy drink.
Read MoreJust a few days ago, April 2017 was declared Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month by President Donald Trump. Staffers and surrogates advocated on behalf of this new initiative as they worked their way through cable news shows that the President likely spent the whole day watching.
Read MoreMystery Inc. has done it again. Coming out of retirement for one last puzzle, Scooby and the gang have successfully stopped the disastrous AHCA bill that would not have come to fruition regardless of their involvement due to its incredibly faulty policy.
Read MoreOne such show, featuring a man calling himself Doctor Orange, could be found in a park just blocks from the White House.
Read MoreAs America slips into the frothy darkness that some call the beginning of a dystopian Cormac McCarthy novel, pollsters are working tirelessly to capture the public’s reaction to the nation’s demise.
Read MoreThe White House is now scrambling to find an answer to a breaking New York Times report on newly obtained documents showing what appears to be the crayon-drawn prototype for a catapult designed to launch undocumented immigrants into Mexico.
Read MoreWhen Donald Trump issued an Executive Order placing a travel ban on several predominantly Muslim nations, the ACLU and justices across the nation put in hard hours to defend the liberties of citizens at home and abroad.
Read MoreTheir efforts were in vain, however, as email boxes filled up this weekend with Trump’s sad(!) attempt to assess his popularity with the American people, asking “Do you like me? Check Y or N.”
Read MoreIt appears the Trump administration is looking to deflect from the current Russian connection controversy by pushing its agenda forward in other areas.
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