10 New Elects That Will Make Your Small Grinch Heart Grow Three Sizes
Tuesday was the anniversary of Trump’s election day, which naturally brought back all previously suppressed memories of politely excusing yourself to the bathroom to sob into your #ImWithHer t-shirt at whatever growingly upsetting function you attended to watch the election. Since that dark day, each act of corruption and injustice has shrunken our disgusting, twisted Grinch hearts into chick pea sized organs incapable of hope or Christmas joy.
But not all was lost on this election anniversary, as an inspiring number of Democrats, including many minority and LGBTQ individuals, went against and defeated the highest form of all evil: Trumpists. So your heart can grow too, here’s a list of some of the superstars elected in yesterday’s historic elections across the country that will defrost at least a portion of the Mount Crumpit ice that’s made its home in your ticker.
1. Ravi Bhalla
Bhalla became the first Sikh mayor in U.S. history, reminding us what it's like to feel joy again. He received his B.A. at University of California at Berkeley and a Juris Doctor Degree from Tulane Law School. He also received his Master’s in growing our small hearts, once broken by Martha May Whovier, with one look into those safe, loving eyes. (He actually received a Master of Science degree in Public Administration and Public Policy from the London School of Economics.)
2. Chris Hurst
Elected to the Virginia House of Delegates, Hurst is a former TV anchor whose girlfriend, Alison Parker (a news anchor at the same station), was killed on air along with her camera man Adam Ward, by a former colleague in 2015. Supporting stricter gun control efforts, Hurst is like a tiny little speck of shimmering glitter in the vat of tar that deals out “thoughts & prayers” instead of active solutions to gun violence. His win appropriately grows our little Grinch hearts and puts us in the mood to stand in a circle, hold hands with our fellow Whovians and sing “Welcome Christmas.”
3. Danica Roem
Roem is the first openly transgender candidate elected to a state legislature. She beat a self proclaimed “chief homophobe” for a seat on the Virginia House of Delegates, proving once and for all that all women are capable of all things, and that men in politics should be shaking in their size nine Cole Haans. She’s also a heavy metal singer, so her verse on “Where Are You, Christmas?” blows Cindy Lou Who’s out of the water!
4. Andrea Jenkins
Not even the tiny, shrunken heart that lives inside an incredibly uncomfortable Jim Carrey covered in hairy, green prosthetics can resist the pure joy that is new elect Andrea Jenkins. The first openly transgender Black woman elected to city council in a major U.S. city, Jenkins has a master’s degree in community economic development, and now a seat on the Minneapolis City Council. She is also the first ever transgender woman of color to ever be elected to public office! Start giving Cindy Lou Who her presents back!
5. Hala Ayala
Ayala is one of the first ever Latina women to serve in Virginia’s General Assembly, winning the 51st district seat. She defeated a four-term incumbent official for the spot, and is one of the eleven women that helped dethrone a total of fifteen Republicans in the Virginia legislature. Plus, her campaign to expand Medicaid eligibility will come in handy when your Grinch heart grows so much it breaks the X-ray machine.
6. Elizabeth Guzman
Guzman, alongside Ayala, is a Latina woman who was elected to Virginia's General Assembly. This icon plans on standing up to the chairman of the Prince William Board of County Supervisors Corey Stewart, whose "hard-right" immigration policies outcast their local Latinx community. Her success story as a single mother coming to the U.S. from Peru will make your shriveled little joyless Grinch heart expand three-fold, until it’s almost bursting out of your hairy green chest.
7. Justin Fairfax
We’re singing joyful and triumphant Christmas ballads not just to celebrate the second African-American elected to statewide office in Virginia, but also for his mom who singlehandedly put all four of her children through college and two through law school. With Fairfax’s unwavering commitment to creating economic security and opportunity, our sack of presents, which we stole from underneath the trees of various Whovians, will be overflowing this year!
8. Vi Lyles
The first African-American woman elected as mayor of Charlotte, NC, Lyles reassures us that we’ll learn the true meaning of Christmas soon. Previously working for the city of Charlotte for almost thirty years, Lyles never once issued undeserved jury duty, blackmail or eviction notices like the Grinch did when his teeny tiny heart was still the size of a Trump’s little hands.
9. Sheila Oliver
If you’re still recovering from everyone laughing at the neat, metal angel you handcrafted in your cave, Oliver’s inspiring win should do the trick! She was elected as the first African-American lieutenant governor last night, but not before breaking records in years prior. Oliver was also the first African-American woman to be elected as Assembly speaker in New Jersey, and the second Black female speaker in U.S. history. After her win, she was quoted saying, “I hope somewhere in this great state of New Jersey, a young girl of color is watching tonight and realizing that she does not have a limit to how high she can go.” There certainly is no limit on the size that our hearts will swell to with Oliver in office.
10. Ashley Bennett
This first-time candidate was inspired to run after John Carman shared a meme mocking the women’s march on Facebook. This quickness to be threatened by strong women lead many to conclude that a certain organ of his is likely three sizes too small. Bennett beat Carman by nearly 1,000 votes, which is equivalent to the number of presents Whoville will now be receiving on Christmas morning!