FSU football practice was halted Thursday morning when former quarterback Jacob Coker tried to sneak on to the field in hopes that no one would remember he ever left. Coker left Florida State last season after he sat the bench for two years, only to transfer to Alabama where he continued to sit the bench. “I thought it was embarrassing having to be the back-up for Jameis Winston, but that’s nothing compared to how embarrassing it was being the back-up to fuckin’ Blake Sims,” said Coker, wearing an FSU jersey he bought at the bookstore to try to blend in with his former teammates. “Then one day I was watching this Seinfeld episode where George quits his job and then shows back up to work the next day like nothing happened and I thought, ‘hey, I can do that.’ So I did.”
Although Coker assumed he would be welcomed back by his teammates, FSU players and coaches unanimously laughed in his face and told him the only position available is Sean Maguire’s personal water boy – and even then he would still have to be back-up to Red Lightning. “Sorry Jake, but this is Mac Daddy Maguire’s team now,” said Coach Jimbo Fisher as he checked one more time to make sure there weren’t any NFL coaching jobs available.
Meanwhile, Coker plans to continue traveling on and hopefully one day find a team that is desperate enough to start him. “If it doesn’t work out at FSU then I’ll probably just transfer to some lower division school with no scholarship quarterbacks, like University of Florida.”