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Old FSU Photos in Academic Building Feature Raw Sex on Landis Green
Old FSU Photos in Academic Building Feature Raw Sex on Landis Green

The bookworms of FSU, feeling the existential dread of their impending graduation along with their imminent 30-page research paper that’s due tomorrow, have begun roaming the halls of Strozier and Bellamy at 3 AM in hopes of feeling something.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 6, 2022
FSView Shuts Down After 107 Years
FSView Shuts Down After 107 Years

It’s been a long road, but FSU’s second-best non-affiliated newspaper is finally shutting its doors.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 1, 2022
FSU Football to Install 24K Toilets in Training Facilities
FSU Football to Install 24K Toilets in Training Facilities

There is something so sinister about that FSU Football locker room hype video.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 31, 2022
Grow A Seed With Your Seed: Environmentalist Club Creates Eco-Friendly Condoms
Grow A Seed With Your Seed: Environmentalist Club Creates Eco-Friendly Condoms

Randy the sea turtle lived a peaceful life gliding waves and fertilizing eggs on the beaches of Florida, but everything changed when Florida State spring-breakers migrated to his part of town.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 30, 2022
Landis Green Full Of People Pretending To Read The First Page Of A Book They Got From Tik Tok
Landis Green Full Of People Pretending To Read The First Page Of A Book They Got From Tik Tok

Spring has Sprung at Florida State University!

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 29, 2022
UN Enlists Residence Advisor to Arbitrate Russia-Ukraine Conflict
UN Enlists Residence Advisor to Arbitrate Russia-Ukraine Conflict

With nearly every major world power weighing in on this issue, it seems the balance of the whole geopolitical order is in shambles.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 8, 2022
That One Guy Who Broke the Washers Downstairs Is Now Popping up Everywhere Because He’s Stalking You.
That One Guy Who Broke the Washers Downstairs Is Now Popping up Everywhere Because He’s Stalking You.

Every year, a new group of freshmen rolls into Tallahassee thinking that college is going to be a #litcrazymovie and that they’ll “find themselves” while they’re here.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 1, 2022
The Black Mold Found in Williams Now Gives English Majors Something To Do After College, Die.
The Black Mold Found in Williams Now Gives English Majors Something To Do After College, Die.

Over the past few weeks, there have been reports of Black Mold, radon, and other carcinogens in select Florida State Buildings.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 14, 2022
Suwannee Experiments with Meat-Based Vegetables
Suwannee Experiments with Meat-Based Vegetables

Suwannee Room, aka Mrs. Killings’ office, is the most prominent dining hall on the Florida State campus, sorry Seminole Cafe.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 12, 2022
Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels Discovered in Sandals Building Drain
Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels Discovered in Sandals Building Drain

Campus has been so calm recently…perhaps too calm.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 6, 2022
Emily Mariko Named Suwannee’s New Head Chef
Emily Mariko Named Suwannee’s New Head Chef

As much as we all love the miles and miles of comfort food that Suwannee provides, FSU’s branding team decided it was time to take the dining hall to the next level.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 6, 2022
Mom and Pops to Close Indefinitely After Mom Found Pops With That Skank Bitch Denise Again
Mom and Pops to Close Indefinitely After Mom Found Pops With That Skank Bitch Denise Again

Together, the parental duo have been feeding weenies to hungry Noles all over campus in their three surprisingly convenient locations.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 5, 2022
The University of Miami Renamed “UMM…” After Devastating Loss to FSU
The University of Miami Renamed “UMM…” After Devastating Loss to FSU

It seems yet again the University of Miami just falls short of Florida State University in every way except tuition.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 31, 2022
Florida Man Discovered Living in an FSView Newsstand for 30 Years
Florida Man Discovered Living in an FSView Newsstand for 30 Years

The FSView is one of the longest-running news networks at Florida State.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 26, 2022
Club Downunder Announces New Lecturer and Elmo Rival, Rocco, Here To Explain His Side of the Story
Club Downunder Announces New Lecturer and Elmo Rival, Rocco, Here To Explain His Side of the Story

If you haven’t heard of the new hot drama, you must not watch Sesame Street.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 24, 2022
Market Wednesday To Host New “Black Market Thursday” Sister Event
Market Wednesday To Host New “Black Market Thursday” Sister Event

You can browse cute jewelry, get harassed by a variety of clubs and fraternities, and the male manipulators can thrift for overpriced curated vintage: it’s got something for everyone!

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 20, 2022
Paint a Pot Wants You to Know It’s Still There
Paint a Pot Wants You to Know It’s Still There

In a resounding effort to improve mental health across campus, student union services have been pushing the agenda of the notorious on-campus ‘Paint a Pot.’

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 11, 2022
Her Campus: You Can’t ALL Be Good at Writing!
Her Campus: You Can’t ALL Be Good at Writing!

Anyone with social media knows Her Campus is the best place to get your fill of sorority news.

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The Eggplant FSUDecember 2, 2021
Student Who Just Became FSU Football Fan Sad Team Lost Again
Student Who Just Became FSU Football Fan Sad Team Lost Again

For many, FSU football games are just a partying ritual.

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The Eggplant FSUDecember 1, 2021
Recent Report Shows 4 Rivers Employees Feeling “Awfully Left Out” From All Other Campus Eateries With Lines Out the Door
Recent Report Shows 4 Rivers Employees Feeling “Awfully Left Out” From All Other Campus Eateries With Lines Out the Door

A recent and very official campus census report from an FSU accounting major turned up results that prove FSU’S Class of 2025 has pushed us to the brink of campus overpopulation.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 29, 2021
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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