Quirky Group of Pals Claim Starbucks Booth as Their Study Space

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Studying and caffeine in the library is key component for many FSU students survival. Without either, time stops and society crumbles like your sense of self worth after seeing a bad grade. Students therefore felt absolutely cheated on when approaching the Starbucks counter at Strozier to find it closed off during its regular hours. From behind the counter, an overworked employee explained that Starbucks is to remain “closed to the public until Jenmae and his pals deem their study day over.” Despite numerous attempts to remove the group, the power of friendship has resisted all attempts at disbandment.

“I don’t get what the issue is! It’s just a couple of us studying and being scholars. What’s the problem?” Jenmae Flowers, one of the seventy friends pretending to look over their notes, yelled across the room. “We were going to use one of the study rooms but we heard those places are incredible for keg stands. They were all reserved when we went to reserve our room ten minutes before we left our houses, so we took the next best thing and took a booth and then the entirety of Starbucks. We can all mess around under the illusion of productivity and order coffee here! Is it really a crime for a group of good friends to dominate a public place for their own devices?”

“We honestly tried to approach them and explain that this place was for everyone to use, but they couldn’t hear us through their laughter over an oddly specific, completely incomprehensible friend group meme. They tried to explain it to me. It had something to do with a show called RuPaul's Drag Race? Season 9, Episode 9 was apparently a doozie? ” confessed the overworked Starbucks manager Gilbert Nottfried. “The staff at Starbucks understands that having a booth for you and your friends is lovely. I personally even understand if you’re alone and you just want all that sexy real estate for yourself and your belongings. But other people need a place to sit and fake work too!”

The Starbuck’s staff has since considered counteracting the power of friendship by refusing to serve the group of pals, but corporate has insisted that “profit above all else” and demanded that they continue to serve. As such, students have since defaulted to the inferior, lesser Starbucks at Dirac for their caffeine and breakfast sandwich needs. Furthermore, experts have estimated that the friend group is expected to finally vacate the premises once they can all agree on a restaurant to eat lunch at. FSU advises that everyone should not hold their breath.

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