Frat Bro Disbands Study Group After No Girls Show Up


In preparation for his financial accounting exam the following week, frat king and business major Taz Bradington booked a study room in Strozier Library and told the “five hottest blondes within gawking radius” and some of his brothers to come. Unfortunately, none of the females showed up, causing Brad to cancel the study group and take the anger out on his pledges. “Ugh, man, I’m not here to learn, I’m here to invite girls to study groups and then draw huge dicks on the whiteboard and tell them it’s actual size,” said Bradington, adding that this is one of the many “professional qualities” that he exhumes as a “gentleman of the business school.” “What’s even the point of having study groups if I can’t even add the girls that show up on Facebook afterward and “love” or “wow” their pictures? Thanks for the assist by the way, Zuck!”

“I’m just here to learn, man,” said Taz’s pledging fraternity brother and generally better person, Steven Schell. “I’m more focused on my grades than girls. Like, girls are cool and all, but there’s a time and a place. Women don’t deserve to be harassed when they’re just trying to learn.”

“Fuck you, pussy!!!” shouted Taz, kicking Steven’s chair out from under him and making him recite every instance of Tau Tau Epsilon’s (pronounced “titty”) suspensions throughout their entire 117-year history before he hit the ground. “Political correctness is destroying America.  The idea of trying to have a worthwhile time without the presence of women I can harass is ridiculous, and I’m tired of being told that I can’t get what I believe is entitled to me. Now, if you’ll fuck off, I have to go ask some Bernie supporters how they’re going to pay for Bernie’s spending programs, because taxation, like when women withhold sex from me, is theft.”