Couple Almost Makes It Through One Fucking Night Without Fucking Screaming at Each Other


Coming off the heels of an exceedingly average Valentine's Day, local couple Ted Stroll and Liz Teyger nearly accomplished a feat that had yet to occur since the first week of their relationship. Until disaster struck, it seemed their night out may have actually been free of a knock-down, drag-em out screaming match. “When we were about forty minutes away from heading to bed, I was so thrilled we were actually gonna do it,” said Stroll as he hung a picture over a hole in the wall he had punched last night. “I mean, I would have proposed the second I woke up if we had, but then as we were cuddling on the couch she blurted out that she thinks the entire Star Wars franchise is for kids.”

The couple’s once perfect evening immediately turned into what can only be described as an extremely competitive Jerry Springer audition tape. “All I said was that I thought Jar Jar Binks was cute and Ted immediately threw a glass bottle at the wall and screamed,” recalled Liz while drawing mustaches on the last of Ted’s Star Wars posters. “I was going to try and diffuse the situation but then he made an under-the-breath comment about how Pirates of the Caribbean is a garbage franchise. It was all downhill from there.”

Fortunately, as tempers cooled Liz was able to salvage the remaining pieces of the relationship for at least one more night by breaking out the slave Leia bikini she was saving for their one year anniversary and whispering into his ear, “Have I awakened your force?”