Following the death of Supreme Court Justice and world-renowned bigot Antonin Scalia, the American public awaits the appointment of a new judge who will take the vacant spot in the nation’s highest court. Due to the disagreements between Republicans and Democrats on the process, the appointment of a new Supreme Court Justice will be a highly anticipated event for months to come. However, no group is quite as excited as young men on the Internet who collect shoes, overspend on T-shirts and listen to shitty music. That’s right, hypebeasts are hype for a new Supreme drop. “Supreme always has the sickest releases, so I’m pretty excited,” said sophomore Jose Alvarez, shopping for sneakers on five different tabs on his Macbook. “I mean, I haven’t heard a lot about this one, but I read somewhere that even Obama is going to have a hard time getting it. Sounds like it’s gonna be really dope and very rare.”
Despite finding out that the “Supreme” Court is the highest federal court of the United States that was established pursuant to Article III of the United States Constitution in 1789, Jose and his friends have yet to grasp the fact that none of this has anything to do with a limited release by fashion brand and hypebeast favorite Supreme in the fall of 2016.
“I’m used to staying up all night on the Internet for the chance to purchase items that only myself and a select group of other fan-boy hypebeasts know are expensive or limited edition or even worth wearing,” said fellow money-waster Spencer Flinn, letting a stranger know that his Jordans are fake as he walked by. “But none of my nights spent sitting in a folding chair outside of Foot Locker and disappointing my parents can compare to that Anthony Scalia dude. He died for this shit, man. That legend.”
The Republican Senate believes that the next president should appoint Scalia’s replacement, because obviously presidential duties no longer need to be fulfilled when a president has a mere 340 days left in office. “That fact that Republicans don’t want this merch doesn't really make a difference to me. Have you seen the way they dress?” Jose went on to say, carving “Yeezy Szn” into the middle of a heart on his forearm. “They all still wear Reagan/Bush ‘84 shirts on a weekly basis, so I’m not really concerned with their thoughts on fashion.”