FSU Professor Foiled Again By Student “Just Stretching”


Once-proud literature professor Dr. Tom Villanueva is now considering a new career path after calling on student Rachel Lake, only to discover she was actually “just stretching.” Such embarrassment has plagued educators since the beginning of time, but Dr. Villanueva vows it will not happen again, not to him. “This is worse than my divorce. At least I knew my wife was a liar. I wasn’t tricked every time like with these damn kids waving their arms around like the inflatables outside a car dealership. I may have my PhD but I no longer have my integrity,” said Villanueva before zipping a hoodie all the way up and pulling the strings till everything was covered but his sunglasses. Muffled, he continued. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me continuously throughout my career and all other educators’ lives, shame on...I don’t really know who to blame. My ex-wife I guess? Oh and let’s throw in all eight women who didn’t message me back on eHarmony last night for good measure. Fuck them.”

“I’ll admit, I do get a thrill out of it all. The look on the professor’s face that reads ‘I’ve made a huge mistake,’ the few seconds it delays the lecture, I guess it’s just my way of getting revenge for all the times I raised my hand to answer a rhetorical question,” explained faux hand-raiser Rachel Lake while she leaned back in her chair, yawned and began to lift her arm then winked at no one in particular. “It may seem cruel but it’s no more sadistic than calling on someone who wasn’t even raising their hand.”

Dr. Villanueva attempted to talk to Lake to gain some closure before making his final exit from the university. The conversation seemed to be going well until the two went to shake hands at the end and at the last second Lake pulled her hand away, swept it across her hair and said, “Looks like I still have the upper hand, professor.”