Horrified Student Slowly Realizing He Didn’t Need to Buy That Textbook


Local student Ahmad Oliveros reportedly began to realize he doesn’t need the textbook for his class, much to his horror. Oliveros had to buy Applied Mathematics for the College Student, 43rd edition, with the afterword signed by the professor himself. Professor Rivera reportedly does assign readings, and many of the assignments are based on the readings, but the tests are entirely based off his Power Point notes, as are the other assignments, rendering the textbook pretty much just expensive firewood for a freshman’s next Fireball fueled rager. “I spent 450 dollars on this textbook,” Oliveros said angrily, whilst leaving a scathing review on Rate My Professor. “I spent that much on a used textbook! The unused versions were 600!”

Fellow student Rebecca Bunch is also reportedly angry. “I bought the 42nd edition which is completely different from the 43rd version for some goddamn reason,” she said while popping a Xanax and posting on FSU’s Free and For Sale page. “Somehow it was twice as expensive as the 43rd version.”

The textbook-industrial complex has grown more than 1,000% over the past few years, and is now a ten trillion dollar industry, speculates Oliveros. “They’re all criminals! They’re exploiting the poor!” Oliveros said, his voice raising as a ticket for The Big Short fell out of his wallet. “Soon the textbook market is going to crash and textbook prices are gonna dramatically skyrocket leaving every college student penniless. Arrest the textbook publishers! Put an end to Big Textbook! Listen to my mixtape!”