New Study Finds That Your Suitemates Definitely Know You’re Pooping


A new study conducted by top researchers at Florida State University in conjunction with your really disgusted suitemates has found that the music playing and shower going is fooling no one. They definitely know you’re pooping.

“We posed the research question after dealing with an entire semester of Mark taking these nasty ass shits and then claiming he was just washing his feet,” explained freshman Darren Pickler as he pretended to accidentally forget to unlock his suitemates’ bathroom door. “Just own up to it. We all know what you’re doing, and you lying about it just makes it weirder.”

Resident Assistants throughout the halls have taken note of this increased poop-based tension amongst residents and introduced the “Poop Positivity Initiative,” a campus-wide movement that promotes the acceptance and embrace of having to listen to your suitemates drop a deuce every now and then.

“PPI has proven to be a great tool in getting students to understand this harsh reality of Residence Hall life,” noted RA Candice Yeller as she hung up “Everybody Shits And Sometimes Other People Hear” posters around her floor. “We just want our residents to know that everybody’s bowel movements are welcome here, from the quiet as a mouse pebble droppers to the big stinky ploppers.”