Students Unsure If Academic Advisors A Figment Of Their Imagination


Students at Florida State are not quite sure if their advisors exist. After e-mailing her advisor and then later trying to meet with her in person, student Valerie Manning was still unable to talk to someone about her classes. “When I got to her office there were a bunch of people waiting outside her door pounding on it, and you could hear her saying ‘I’m currently unavailable but come back in five minutes,’” Manning said. “But when we finally busted in, all we saw was a dummy hooked up to a speaker which was rigged to play that message whenever someone knocks on the door. You know, like in Ferris Bueller? So odd.”

“Advisor? I hardly know her!" said student/amateur comedian Caleb Hopkins. "Seriously, I really don't know her. I only got to see her once and she said her name was Jebbifer, which sounds wrong but I guess could be a name... Jebbifer Snith? That can’t be right.”

Several students have begun to develop theories including but not limited to: being in a Fight Club Tyler Durden situation, hallucinations from over-consumption of on-campus Chick-Fil-A and Mercury in retrograde.

"When I asked my advisor for his name, he looked around the room for a bit before saying that his name was Clock McPrinter, which was a bit odd,” said student Daniela Morales. Recent Swedish immigrant and new economics advisor Clock McPrinter, PhD reportedly has no comment.

In response to these complaints, FSU reportedly plans to install more comfortable couches in advising waiting rooms and provide several issues of Highlights to improve the experience of waiting three hours for advisors that are “totally real and not paid actors.”