Friend Group Returns After Winter Break Ready to Mercilessly Shun That One Guy


After wrapping up a restful winter break in their respective hometowns, most members of the “Tally Frandz ;)” GroupMe have returned to school refreshed, reenergized and ready to brutally exile sophomore Alec Wellington from all friend activities for the remainder of their time at Florida State. The quorum of “Frandz” reached this conclusion after a discussion citing his consistently obnoxious personality, his shocking inability to read social cues and his unfathomable affinity for “World’s Greatest Dad” shirts, mugs and similar paraphernalia. “Things started getting a little weird around Thanksgiving break,” described Alpha Dog Mark “Marc” Daniels, smoking in front of Strozier after being explicitly asked not to do so. “Our friend Kathy, well, we call her Cathy, her dad had just died, so she was going through a really tough time. We were all consoling her in the GroupMe, but then Alec busted in with a selfie featuring like eight “World’s Greatest Dad” things and the caption ‘HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Isn’t it great to be alive in this wonderful world?!’ Obviously he didn’t even catch up on the chat before sending his own message. Was he raised by wolves?”

The group called a mandatory meeting to decide how to best get the message across to Wellington. Suggestions included a simple passive aggressive removal from the GroupMe, an in-person sit down with Marc, purchasing a customized mug that said “World’s Worst Friend” and a last resort of stealing Alec’s identity in order to fill out the requisite paperwork for a transfer to Anchorage University.

“Between the constant bird noise he has playing in his dorm and the “crazy weird” thing on his dick that he always tries to show us while we’re eating dinner, he’s left us no choice,” concluded second in command Brock “B’Rock” Tannenbom as he slid a printed Donald Trump “You’re Fired!” meme under Wellington’s door. “We liked this option...topical, and no face-to-face contact, which means no chance of seeing whatever he was talking about on his dick, which is probably just a ‘World’s Greatest Daddy’ cock ring.”