FSU Players Focus on New Hobbies After Accepting Season’s Mediocrity


After recent losses to the Clemson Tigers and the what should have been the far less intimidating Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, the Florida State Seminoles are experiencing a strange season in which they do not have to come up with a new pun to describe their winning streak on Instagram every weekend. While these losses are taking their toll on FSU fans across the nation, players and coaches said in a recent interview that because the pressure is off, they have found themselves with more free time to focus on the hobbies they love.

Jimbo Fisher:  “I’m looking forward to finally learning to ride my hoverboard. And by that I mean I’m going to be borrowing my son Trey’s hoverboard until I can ride it better than him. I’m allowed to do this because I bought it. I steal the player’s hoverboards all the time. I own everything. I could walk into Suwannee and steal the Jameis jersey right off a freshman’s back if I wanted to, but I’m just too nice of a guy for that.”  

Sean Maguire: “I was worried I wouldn’t have time to re-watch all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls before the revival if I was still starting quarterback, but now I can totally relive all of Lorelai and Rory’s witty banter. I’m pretty excited to see how Lorelai and Luke’s relationship has progressed. They were always so off and on but they looked like they were finally getting somewhere in the finale episode.”

Roberto Aguayo: “I’m really into taxidermy now. It’s very relaxing.”

Everett Golson: “I guess I’ll just find something else to put 110% of my energy into. I just don’t know what. Maybe using my bachelor’s degree to start a career and eventually live out the American dream? Maybe healing my concussion? Most likely throwing darts at Maguire’s team composite.”


Dalvin Cook: “I’m already two seasons into Gilmore Girls and I only started Saturday night! Maguire got me hooked. I had never seen it before but now I’m totally fangirling over the revival. Once I’m done with this whole football thing I want to move to a town like Stars Hollow. It’s so quaint and charming!”