SGA Replaces Senate with 10 Cacti, 5 Newborns and 2 Lizards, No One Notices


Following shocking reports that a group largely made up of people who have been handed everything for most of their lives doesn’t know how to handle $13 million worth of students’ money, FSU SGA has decided to replace its Senate branch with some plants, some babies and two reptiles. They hope that this move will not only decrease the amount of student government profile pictures that assault students’ Facebook news feeds, but also that it will be much more productive. “This has been a long time coming,” said faculty advisor Linda Halston, erasing the words “MAKE MONEYS EQUAL” from the whiteboard in the SGA offices. “Newborn babies just have a better grip on how to fairly distribute funds across organizations that create a safe haven for marginalized groups. And they don’t spit-up nearly as much.”

The now ex-Senate members are less than thrilled about the replacement. “I don’t see what the big deal is,” said Isabella Clark, updating her resume to say ‘Former FSU SGA senator, future U.S. senator ;).’ “All we did was use a completely unfair formula to cut everyone’s budgets and make them choose between clothing and food because we didn’t see the point in reading the statutes, which didn’t even have any Greek letters in them, so how important could they really be?”

Although the cacti and lizards have trouble holding pens, they appear to understand that transparency is key to any ethical organization and cutting only 5% from a budget used for SGA-only hand sanitizing stations while cutting 44% from organizations that actually foster SGA involvement is bullshit. Said one lizard, “*licking noise.*”

Photo Credit: Caleb Caldwell, FSView