6 Things White People Think Eid al-Fitr Is


Today marks the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting. Despite what you may have thought, Islamic holidays do exist outside of International Snapchat stories! We went out to the streets and randomly surveyed white people on what they think Eid al-Fitr is. The following answers may shock you:  

1.“Is it an outdoor EDM Music Festival of only Zayn Malik cover bands?” ~ Salley, sophomore Creative Writing major.

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MYTH: Eid al-Fitr is not an E(id)DM festival but is very similar to it in many ways. Everyone's drinking ALL day! (Chai) Henna tattoos and bindis everywhere! (Because they are elements of people’s actual culture and not just cool things to Instagram!) You get lots of dates! (Medjool) And groups of people gather to listen to verses! (Of the Quran!)

2. “A first-aid based medical school, but like the kind that only requires like 1 year of vocational classes?” ~ Connor from Salad Creations

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Sorry, Connor. Eid is not this! Although the Islamic Golden Age (8th to 15th centuries) did bring several improvements to medicine, the holiday has nothing to do with a program that a high school lifeguard would attend to beef up his resume.

3. “Uhhhh is it the 4th lost member of Ed, Edd and Eddy?” ~ Jedidiah-David, Chili’s server

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Although it is well within the realm of possibility that there is a lost member of this classic show, Eid is not this.

4. “Exercise Intolerance Disorder?” ~ Kayleb, junior Exercise Science major

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Close, but wrong. Eid is a celebration of the month of fasting, during which Muslims carry on their routines just as they would any other day. This includes working out and wokeing out (keeping other people woke about the religion).

5. “I’m pretty sure it’s the part of the psyche that contains instinctual desires according to Freudian theory.” ~ Kathy, drive-thru cashier at Dunkin’ Donuts on West Tennessee

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You’re thinking of “id.” Eid is a celebration of self control and conscientiousness.

6. “A middle eastern startup reclaiming Urban Outfitters' cultural appropriative designs called ‘Urban al-Fitrs?’” ~ Bobby, Strozier Starbucks barista

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False! Eid is built upon spiritual renewal, purification, and ethics though.

What did we learn?

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A majority of White Americans can name all six members of the cast of Friends in one breath, recite the lyrics to the Brady Bunch theme song, and quote every Seinfeld episode from memory; but know almost nothing about Islam aside from the occasional Snapchat filters that show up randomly sometimes. This Eid, don’t be that douche who doesn’t feel like learning about Islam. Be that douche who doesn’t feel like learning about Islam, but will Google it real quick just to be safe.