“That Didn’t Happen in the Book!” GOT Crusader Searches For New Thing to Complain About


After last night’s bloody Game of Thrones finale, local alumni and currently unemployed person Jeremy Goldberg has found himself facing hardship matched perhaps only by the challenge of being a Stark or a woman in Westeros. After five trying years of never missing a chance to speak up when the TV show storyline strayed away even slightly from that of the books, Goldberg felt he’d breathe a sigh of relief when the show finally caught up to the books. But instead, he feels empty. “My life’s work up until this point has been all about making sure everybody knows when the books aren’t being honored,” remarked Goldberg while taking a break from composing a strongly worded forum post regarding the trailer for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2. “Sure, adaptations aren’t always meant to follow the books completely, and yeah, I guess directors have the creative right to make slight changes when needed but I just think people need to know, you know?”

Goldberg has acquired a rather impressive resume of books read and adaptations critiqued over the last few years and he’s been through a lot of shit. For example, in the Gossip Girl books, Jenny had big boobs but when he actually got to see those things in the TV show, they were as flat his dick, or more recently in Game of Thrones, when Jaime Lannister went to Dorne. Unacceptable. George R.R. Martin just shed a single tear.

Despite all the ups and mostly downs he’s had over the years, he does believe that the first cut is the deepest- in that he will never truly get over that garbage Polar Express adaptation.