Competitive Mom Still Upset By Daughter’s Subpar Mother’s Day Post


Every year on Mother’s Day, moms nationwide find themselves tagged in Facebook posts and are sent screenshots of their kid’s Instagram posts from their one cool mom friend who believes she’s hip enough to have one. These posts are beautiful, sentimental, and somehow dub each mom “the best mom of all time,” despite that being statistically impossible. But sometimes, the posts don’t quite measure up, causing moms to question not only their relationship with their kids, but their self-worth entirely. Local mom Lisa Davis and her daughter Claire are familiar with these circumstances, and find themselves coping with the aftermath the second year in a row. Despite obviously being upset about disappointing her mom, Claire can’t say she’s surprised. “I actually just finished being grounded from last year’s shitty post, which was ‘too cliché and used all the wrong emojis,” explained Claire. “Apparently this year I didn’t emphasize my mom’s sense of humor and impressive fluency of pop culture enough, preferably by mentioning how she knows all the words to 'Uptown Funk.' Honestly, I just don’t know what she expects.”

Claire was confident that this year’s post would be good enough, after her mom conducted an hour-long selfie photoshoot, in which they successfully reached their goal of making Lisa somehow look younger (as confirmed by and all around better than Claire. But it still did not suffice, receiving just under 50 likes.

“All the other moms at work are putting me to shame, especially Deborah, who’s still riding the high from her daughter’s Instagram post, which got 267 likes and four comments about them looking like sisters,” Lisa exclaimed, while scrolling through Pinterest and simultaneously ordering an edible arrangement for herself. “This year Deborah’s even using the post to negotiate a promotion just because her fucking daughter mentioned how proud she was of her for donating money to Nepal, and according to her, that just goes to show how globally aware and well-rounded she is.”

“I mean, of course I love Claire but she really needs to get her shit together.” Said Lisa while rummaging through her daughter’s closet, convinced she could totally still fit into a size four. “You’d think after all the years of pageantry we went through together during her childhood she’d be able to return the favor with a decently articulated Mother’s Day post, but maybe my standards are just too high.”