Annoyed Strozier Veteran Asks, “Where Were Y’all The Rest of the Semester?"


With the start of finals week, Strozier Library has become Florida State’s hottest social scene. While most are excited to start complaining and/or bragging about how much caffeine and Adderall they’ve had, Lisa Lawrence is spending her time circling the busy floors asking, “Where were y’all the rest of the semester?” “I really don’t know who these people think they are," Lawrence said as she flashed her portrait tattoo of Robert M. Strozier to the tutoring tables. "I don’t even have to swipe in, the turnstiles just sense my arrival and automatically give me the green light. As a true Strozier studier, I don’t think it’s really fair that I’m being kicked out because Becky and Chet finally decided to show face.”

Others impacted by Strozier’s sudden popularity include: the seemingly always surprised and underprepared Starbucks staff, Strozier Library’s printing service, FSU Wi-Fi, and the library’s air conditioning system which at this point could be equated to a human blowing softly through the air vent.

“Oh I am most definitely going to fail all of my finals,” concluded Lisa before coughing “fake fan” under her breath to a group posing for their “Strozier All-Nighter! More like stuDYING #LMAO #killme ” insta, “I actually haven’t studied at all, I’m literally spending all of my time walking around making really loud sighs, and yakking about the good ol’ days of when Dirac was quiet and Strozier wasn’t a Greek life orgy.”