Student Decides to Just Live Full-Time in Hammock on Landis Green


For many students, the stress of finals is almost too much to handle. A week straight of all night study sessions, fighting it out Hunger Games style for a seat in Strozier, and begging your parents to put a little extra cash in your account so you can buy Starbucks extra shots and some Adderall would be enough to make any poor college student go insane. And one brave sophomore, Kyle Jenkins, has finally decided that this time around, he wants no part of it. “All those tests and papers were stressin’ me out. The only time I ever felt at peace was swinging in my good old hammock.” He said while wearing his hemp sweatpants and watching students pass by his perch to go into the library “So, I just said ‘fuck it’, packed up my shit, and traded in my high bed in Kellum for these sweet new digs here on Landis.”

Kyle has been living in his hammock for now about 2 weeks, after he stormed out of his computer fluency class screaming that he’d ‘finally had enough of this “capitalist, higher education bullshit.” He picked a spot between two trees right in front of Strozier, strung up his hammock at an impressive 6 feet above the ground, and hasn’t left since. He now lives his new alternative lifestyle that consists of playing with the Landis puppies all day, surviving off his remaining flexbucks to buy Chick Fil A for every single meal, showering in the Landis fountain and utilizing the entire green as his personal bathroom. “It’s not the greatest, but it’s definitely still better than living in Kellum.”

When asked if he will ever decide to return to his old college lifestyle, Kyle shook his head and laughed. “No way, dude. I was an Art History major. I was planning on living in a hammock after I graduated anyways. Now I can just get a head start.”