Thrasher Throws Ice Cream Social In Hopes Somebody Remembers His Birthday
Every year, FSU presidents prove how down to earth they are by serving students ice cream on Landis Green for an afternoon. The event is always widely attended and this year just so happens to fall on the birthday of our university's overlord. Never a stranger to opportunity, John Thrasher plans to kill two Noles with one spear, and celebrate his birthday at the party today in the hopes that this year somebody will actually remember it. "I can't believe I'm turning 21 for the fiftieth time, guys!" Thrasher said in an E-vite addressed to FSU's student body earlier this week. "You're all invited to my Super Sweet 71 party on Landis Green! MTV never answered my requests to film it, but some losers stuck in a shitty media production class are gonna do it so that works I guess." Thrasher hopes that unlike at the House of Representatives house party he threw last year, at least one person in FSU's student body of over 40,000 will remember a present, or at the very least shoot him a DM.
Thrasher's Birthday blow out will feature entertainment including the FSU circus, an inflatable obstacle course and totally "dope" performances by FSU's most infamous Christian rappers Lil Jon 4:20, Pray-Z, and the Notorious G.O.D. "Last year when nobody remembered, I locked myself in the bathroom until the House had to throw down for a Baskin Robbins Ice Cream cake that they pretended they had the entire time," said Thrasher while strategically washing his hands around where Eric Church signed them last week. "Unfortunately I can't do that this year due to how disgusting the first floor bathroom of Strozier is."
No matter what happens, The President's Ice Cream social will be at the very least an opportunity for students who aren't athletes to be fed for free by the university. Either that or just further proof that college students will do literally anything to for free food, even mingle with a creationist.