President John Thrasher Finally Uncovers Eric Barron’s Old Playboy Stash
Claiming he hadn’t seen a pair of knockers that huge since the Republican National Convention of 96’, FSU President John Thrasher told reporters, after months of searching for the legendary collection, he finally found Eric Barron’s old Playboy stash hidden in his office early Tuesday morning. Thrasher says he made the discovery after taking down a poster of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg that had been hanging in the President’s office since the Barron administration. “Mrs. Thrasher was going out of town, so I thought I’d light some candles and break out a Sinatra album for a little one-on-one time with the Notorious RBG, or as I like to call her ‘Ruth BAE-der Ginsberg.’ Isn’t that so funny? I looked up the word “bae” on Urban Dictionary earlier this week and now I just can’t stop using it!”
To Thrasher’s surprise, taking down the poster revealed a previously hidden hole in the wall filled with issues of Playboy magazine belonging to former FSU president Eric Barron. Office co-workers told sources that Thrasher could be heard repetitively screaming, “GUYS YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS” in the early hours of the work day while jumping around his office with a poorly concealed boner.
Claiming to be more of an ass man himself, Thrasher gave Barron’s collection mixed reviews during a morning press conference, which is what Thrasher calls talking to himself while he presses his pants in the morning. “This Barron fella is a little too much of a “Plain Jane” for my tastes,” said Thrasher. “Everyone east of the Mississippi knows that the Thrash-man enjoys women of all shapes and sizes, and limited ethnicities,” added Thrasher, contending that he’s considered himself an ass man ever since Kim K broke the internet last semester.
Sources confirmed that despite his undeniable excitement at this serendipitous discovery, the Thrash-Man's gone digital, and would be donating the majority of Eric Barron's porn stash to hipster freshmen who prefer vintage masturbation material. "So think about that next time you dick-wads say I don't care about the student body."