A fraternity at Florida State University is taking a unique approach to celebrating this St. Patrick’s Day by fasting and holding a “Potato FAM-ine themed party. “We really wanted to place emphasis on the sanctity of brotherhood. The Irish died because they couldn’t live without potatoes, just like we can’t live without our fam,” said president of Phi Delta Theta, Kyle Johnson, who changed the organization’s name to Phi Delta Potata for the holiday. “All of our brothers are starving in honor of the holiday. We’re only allowed to drink Guinness and eat pussy, just like the Irish themselves,” said Johnson’s fraternity brother, Vance McAllister. The party will pay homage to the Emerald Isle’s culture by screening the 2001 Disney Channel original movie, The Luck of the Irish. McAllister, a lover of fan-fiction and fluent “Bae-lic” speaker, is very excited to read his newest piece, titled “Angela’s A$$es,” at the party.
Despite the brothers’ excitement to appropriate the culture of white people for once, not everybody feels so taken by their holiday spirit. The Catholic Student Union claims that although St. Patrick would probably love Shamrock Shakes, he would not approve of Phi Delta Potata’s exploitative party. “Fuck those Jesus freaks!” remarked Johnson as he set up a bowl of Lucky Charms next to the corned beef and hash oil table. “My dad went to Notre Dame and I’m 1/14th Irish, so I think I have a right to celebrate my heritage.”