Every February, the United States observes Black History Month. With all of the racial tension in light of the Michael Brown and Eric Garner cases, many citizens are putting emphasis on the importance of this month, and are increasing their activism. No one cares more about Black History Month than local white girl and all-around awful human being Jessica Murphy, who just purchased Forever 21’s last Tupac shirt. “Yeah, I just really love all things that black people like,” said Jessica while getting ready for her best friend’s “Bloods vs. Crips” waltz. “Especially Tupac. I’ve been obsessed with him ever since I saw him at Coachella two years ago. Wanna see a picture? I wore a really cute headdress.”
Jessica and her friends are excited to celebrate Black History Month. They have all decided to corn row their hair (“Like Riff Raff and all those NBA players,” says Jessica), and will be listening to nothing but Iggy Azalea and the three ‘90s hip-hop songs that they know. Their month of fun and cultural appropriation will end with a twerking contest, where the winner will receive a nameplate necklace with the word “THUG” on it.
The friend group attempted to not say the n word during the entire month as well, but broke their pact almost immediately while driving to Publix blasting Bobby Shmurda. From there, they decided that just saying it without the hard r was “good enough.”
Karen Torple, Jessica’s best friend, originally wanted to celebrate by dressing in brighter colors, like her fashion icon, Lupita Nyongo. “But it’s like really hard, you know. It doesn’t have the same effect, because she’s like, sooo dark. Ugh, I would love to have her skin tone. It would make life so much easier.”