Nostalgic Senior Excited to Sell One Last Student Ticket to Desperate Freshman


  FSU senior Charlie Patterson felt many bittersweet emotions Sunday as for the final time in his undergraduate career, he waited patiently until 5pm to obtain his free student ticket to this weekend’s football game, only to immediately turn around and sell it on Facebook. Like many seniors, Patterson is saddened to no longer experience home games as a student but thankful for all the great memories they have provided.

“I’m going to miss these football games so much,” said Patterson as he deleted the sarcastic comments off his FSU Free and For Sale Facebook post. “To be clear, I’ve never actually gone to a game, but I did use the money I made off selling my tickets to go to a Fall Out Boy concert last year, and I’m just really grateful that this school has provided me with opportunities like that.” Patterson says he plans to sell his UF ticket for upwards of $100 to any student desperate enough to buy one. “In our fight song, we chant ‘scalp ‘em!’ and I’ve sort of adjusted this to apply to the student ticket system. Nothing makes me feel more connected with the student body than to make them pay money they don’t have for something the university gave me for free.”

However, many students have recently begun harshly criticizing those who sell their free tickets, claiming it to be immoral, and definitely not upholding the Garnet and Gold. “I didn’t sit through almost all of the Boston College game just to have some senior with free Loyalty Points take my ticket,” said one anonymous freshman. “Okay yeah, I did leave after halftime of that game. But what am I supposed to do, get rained on for four hours while we give up 300 yards rushing? I’m not a fucking lunatic.”

Despite the critics, Patterson is confident he will find someone to buy his ticket. “People act like they’re upset, but I know they will eventually cave in and buy it anyways. What else are they going to do, actually spend Thanksgiving weekend with their family? Ha!” And if worse comes to worst, Patterson already has a plan. “If no one buys my ticket, I may use the opportunity to finally go to a game for real. Who are we playing again?”