With midterm exams coming to a close, most students are bubbling with the excitement of making it “over the hump” into the second half of the semester. For sophomore Ben Thomas however, this semester has been a massive disappointment. The accounting major used his last remaining liberal studies requirement to sign up for a class that, as he put it, “would be an easy A and an even easier lay.” Unfortunately for Ben, things didn't quite pan out the way he hoped.
“My brothers told me that this class would be crawling with babes, so I took it thinking it would be an easy way to find a slam piece, “ he said as he adjusted his Sperry’s and straightened his “Cool Story Babe: Now make me a sandwich” shirt. “But it’s been nothing but bullshit. It’s just a class filled with stuck up, prudish feminists. I mean, I try to flirt with them and all I get in return is them telling me to stop being so ‘sexist’ and to quit ‘harassing them.’ I mean, since when has telling a girl she has a sweet ass ever been harassment? It’s a compliment!”
The students aren’t the only ones Ben has been striking out with lately. The class TA, Carrie Fernandez, has rejected his advances more than once. “His latest line was asking me if the gender wage gap is the only gap that he could help me fill,” she said as she continued to mark off points on Ben’s term paper titled “Seneca Falls: Ground Zero of the Friend Zone.”
Apparently, the curriculum of the class isn’t quite up to par with what he thought it would be either. “It’s WOMEN’S Studies, so I thought we’d be talking about tits and stuff. All it’s been is talking about oppression and misogyny and other stupid shit that no one even cares about,” he says. “Next time, I’ll just stick to Tinder.”