Next-Door Neighbor Absolute Fucking Moron

After moving into a new home, resident Marie Towns was thrilled to introduce herself to her next-door neighbor. That’s when the unthinkable happened — she found he was a complete and total loser.

40-year-old Mark Jones is reported to do things like take his trash cans to the road a full day early, something Towns shares as “overachieving and attention-seeking.” Jones has also been spotted perusing the street and shaking his head to show his general grave disapproval

It’s been causing waves throughout the calm gated community of Peacock Pines. When asked for a statement, Head of HOA Denise Allen said, “When I pass him on my walks, he does this weird tight-lipped smile at me. It makes the hair on my arms stand up.”

We’ve contacted Jones for a tell-all, but his response is still pending.