Formal Season Serves as Reminder That Straight Men Will Continue Pairing Navy and Black Together

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While the girl online shopping a row ahead of you in class is still stressing about whether or not that Free People dress would be better in Olive or Blush, her frosted-tipped formal date plans to curate his own headache-inducing ensemble a mere thirty minutes before the main event. They say that color blindness allegedly only affects 8% of men, but based on the number of navy blazers and black dress pants strolling sorority row, it seems fair to assume that every colorblind man decided to join or become Greek Life Affiliate™. This parade of noncorresponding colors and pitiful pattern mixing is sure to only gets worse as these men realize the possibility of a “formal szn!!” gram post.

“If they can’t handle matching black with black, I’m not sure they’ll ever understand the value of a printed button-down. Like, I know they ask at least one of their friends about which jersey to wear to Happy Hour. So, I’m honestly very shocked to as to how these guys who claim to be brothers are still letting each other pair navy and black in 2019,” expressed Alli Ferrell, first-year Merchandising major and self-proclaimed ally to the LGBTQ+ community after watching the trailer for Queer Eye. “It almost makes me want to reach out and give them a coupon code to ZARA or something. But then again, who’s to say that they wouldn’t just use the coupon to add a new floral bucket hat to their collection?”

“I could’ve sworn this shirt was black when I held it up to my navy tie," admitted Logan Leng, a fifth-year Economics major and self-proclaimed big bro who had no idea how to mix and match without the help of his mom. "My black Hollister chinos are a party favorite! They camouflage any amount of beer spillage! You could say that these were one of my smartest investments. Also, it's going to be so dark at this formal event, nobody will even be able to tell the difference in color, right? It’s not like we’re planning to post any photos that some idiot decided to take with flash, anyway.”

Due to their clear inability to compose an outfit, straight men attending formal prove once again to have no interest in the matter of tops and bottoms. They don’t seem to be thrilled by shirts and pants, either. Even if one escapes the initial migration across Jefferson Street, the bros’ poorly picked suits are sure to be immortalized in their dates' heavily Huji'-ed Insta posts.

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The Eggplant FSU