Seminole Dining Shows Gordon Ramsay Who’s Boss by Offering Gelato at President's Ice Cream Social

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As another semester has come and gone, some things have stayed the same: the Testing Center continues to look and feel like the third-class floor of the sinking Titanic, FSU is officially a softball school and most importantly, Seminole Dining still doesn’t know the difference between “meatloaf” and “roadkill.” The universal truth of Seminole Dining’s mediocrity has long been accepted even before FSU and Sodexo said “I Do,” but Seminole Dining’s inability to prepare edible food is officially world-renowned. An FSU student tweeted a picture of Suwannee’s nasty food to Sir Gordon Ramsay, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, the culinary world’s Duke of Insults tweeted “Shut it down!” in response to what was surely the world’s driest pork loin. Since admitting wrongdoing has never been Seminole Dining's forte, the department has decided to fight back by giving out authentic Italian gelato this year’s President’s Ice Cream Social.

“Suwannee’s food is so bad that I actually get jealous of Drew Barrymore when I watch The Santa Clarita Diet. Like, I know that she eats human flesh, but at least it’s not so overcooked that you mistake it for your grandmother’s ashes,” lamented freshman student and unlimited meal plan holder Jessica Hayes as she swung her FSU lanyard like a lasso to assert dominance over the freshman clogging up the Suwannee swipe-in line. “Thrasher better be serving hefty scoops of real gelato, not just the melted shit from the soft serve machine. And none of that fake Talenti crap either. I’m talking straight off the boat from Italia!”

One group, namely all former study abroad students, is particularly passionate about Thrasher’s decision to offer gelato. These intrepid world travelers that just can’t believe how much better the ice cream in Florence is, as opposed to what we lowly Americans call dessert. “When I studied in Florence, I was a literal local. I even learned how to properly spell the word ‘ciao’ after my third month there,” explained Chris Davis, a Seminole Dining employee, former study abroad attendee, and a proud relative of a Sicilian-American uncle from Long Island who married into the family. “I ate Fettuccine Alfredo for every single meal and I butt-chugged a cappuccino every four hours. Did I mention that my 23andMe said I’m 3/16ths Italian? This gelato is about to up Seminole Dining’s food game for good. No one shades my workplace on Twitter and gets away with it. It’s going to be Gordon Ramsay who is the panini head, mark my words.”

While we may never know what Seminole Dining’s food is made out of, one thing is for sure: there is no quicker way to a college student’s heart than free food. Regardless of the lack of gelaterias anywhere near FSU and the high probability that any ice cream will melt in 0.2 seconds when exposed to the Florida sun, students should still head to Landis Green at one o’clock for the President’s Ice Cream Social this Wednesday, April 10th. After all, if there wasn’t shitty food, would this even be FSU?

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