BREAKING: Semester Off to Weird Start After Finding Out Old High School Bully Is Now a Furry
It’s common knowledge that if you're a Florida resident attending FSU, you're guaranteed to have run-ins with some of the worst people imaginable, including those from your own high school. It’s absolutely commonplace to see the kid who once lead a protest group to register Simlish as the official language of your school slumped over and puking on the sidewalk outside of The Strip on any given Saturday night. Yet, the past few years of binge drinking and nonsensical prerequisite courses seem to have taken a greater toll on some more than others. A past high school bully has become the subject of one of the most unsettling revelations in FSU history. The former tween queen bee and motivation behind at least two therapy session each semester has transferred to FSU this Spring... and is also a furry.
“When people think of life going downhill in college, they probably imagine showing up to an 8 a.m. lecture still drunk and slightly damp from their crazy night of swimming in the Recess pool, or like, joining the marching band or something,"related Gabrielle Torres, the kind of girl you probably wouldn’t have been friends with three years ago but is now pretty cute and a self-described 7 out of 10. “Never in my wildest dreams would I have predicted that the girl who told all the senior boys that my boobs were so weirdly misshapen because I hid all my tampons and extra snacks in my bra would now be embracing the culture of internet people who claim to have imprinted on Kovu from The Lion King. I saw her with a tail clipped to her ass and couldn't believe that SHE used to bully ME!"
“My fursona is a skunk. Fluffy and disarming, but don’t get too close ;)” Teased Stephanie Clifford, the aforementioned reformed bully who, it should be noted, did not wink but specifically instructed us to vocalize her feelings via a semicolon and closed parenthesis. “Don’t be afraid to look me up on Facebook. I changed my account name to Nymphadora Bushytail since it lets everyone know about my true self – which is a skunk. I’m the one with the cute baby blue fursuit and extra long whiskers,” continued Bushytail, describing her shockingly anatomically-correct fursuit, which can be seen in its entire glory on her Furaffinity profile. “Fun fact: skunks are known to have plenty of mates throughout their lives, so don’t be afraid to hit this little mammal-mama up,” she said as she wagged the tail of her fursuit.
Regardless, if the hometown mean girl is now a furry, one can only imagine what has become of those hyper aggressive high school jocks. Will 2019 become known to those at FSU as the year of the furries? Students have already begun rumors that this specific brand of bully has now taken up an addiction to playing Gaia Online out of season. Whether or not these reports can be verified, make sure to keep vigilant around old high school associates, new college friends and even Thrasher himself; it truly is the ones you least suspect.
Image Credit: https://nypost.com/2016/05/06/inside-the-life-of-a-furry/