Student Accidentally Mistakes Secret Santa for Christmas Themed Blind Dating

If Tallahassee has taught us anything this past week it's that baby, it's cold outside. It’s about time to snuggle up with someone special out by an open fire and remember that the holidays are the perfect time to get your romance on. 'Tis the season to cuff up in like a Lifetime holiday movie, and find a very rich, very cute man that notices you’re just not like the other girls. Until that day inevitably comes, one student has decided to take life by the jingle balls and turn his game of Secret Santa into the ultimate set up for the perfect blind date.

“This is my first real time having friends, so I've never done a Secret Santa before. I didn't know there were any rules. I thought that the name meant it was like a holiday version of Tinder," said freshman and ex-loner Alvin Scott, as he sifted through WikiHow tutorials about blind dates. "I thought it was one of those things where you dress up as Mr. and Mrs. Clause. You better watch out, am I right ladies?” Scott then attempted a playful wink which was immediately ruined by the fact that Scott never learned how to properly wink.

“It’s pretty obvious to spot a rookie when you’ve been an anon gifter this long. They come in all generous and bright-eyed, but you know their gifts are gonna suck eggnog. Also, why would any of this be related to dating?" Explained 7th year senior and veteran Santa Clark Norton, who was already preparing for 2019's anonymous gift exchange. “I basically have a computer science degree, and my gift to myself this year was hacking into that dumb name generating website to know who’d be buying for me. That way I know exactly what to expect and I can decide just how much I should be spending. When I saw Alvin was my Santa, baby I took my ass straight to the Dollar Store. I’m trying to make sure I don’t get any kisses from him.”

Whether you are as ignorant and lonely as Scott or a complete holiday fun-sucker like Norton, everyone can agree that Secret Santa is supposed to be anonymous until you find out who had you from a friend who heard it from another friend. And while using Secret Santa to earn a very confusing blind date isn’t advised, a romantic walk in the park or an evening in watching Netflix between giftor and giftee is certainly within the given price range. It may be the season of giving, but it's definitely difficult to find love through a stranger who only has "shoving the holiday spirit up my ass" as their only interest on that online gift exchange generator. Unless you're into that. We don't kink shame.

The Eggplant FSU