Reluctant Sophomore Refinances Breakfast to Buy New Edition of Textbook

As the days continue to somehow keep getting colder, there is nothing that chills more than the combination of fear and fury brought on by the sudden realization that the old edition of a required textbook just won’t cut it. Dr. Grumpy Grump is hell bent on assigning every homework right out of those exercise problems that differ only in order. Despite having a torrented pdf of the previous version all lined up, sophomore Ada Reede now must experience the horror that is moving funds around— at the expense of a well-balanced breakfast.

“I’m about to lose it,” Reede fumed, as she continued filling out the extensive bank forms requesting a change of interest rate to free up the necessary dinero to shell out for the literal stack of paper that costs more than its weight in platinum. “Everyone knows it’s a racket, but nothing’s changing. I’m usually an overnight-oats-with-fresh-berries-and-chia-seeds kind of girl, but I guess I’ll just have to sacrifice that luxury and eat instant grits with no butter for breakfast. I'm just going to have to try and make ends meet by consolidating the debt I'm already in.”

Reede has been shouldering the exorbitant APRs charged by the gluten lobby for her daily supply of the most important meal of the day. But after spending all her Bright Futures book stipend on a single access code for an extremely obnoxious and unintuitive online assignment system, she’s finally had to resort to re-examining her payment plan.

“This is the most I’ve paid for anything in my life,” lamented Devin Roquette, another student in the class, as he handed over his payment to the bookstore cashier in a dripping paper bag labeled “roommates’ kidneys.” “This class is required for my major, and I have to get a good grade in it. So if that means ponying up for the eighth edition of ‘Responsible Decision Making in Personal Finance,’ I’m just going to have to take this hit, and so will my metabolism. I guess bagels and low-fat cream cheese are a luxury item now,” Roquette then gently caressed the newly minted volume's spine, hissing at anyone who got too close. Reede has set aside a considerable budget for one grape every morning, and hopes that her hungry irritability will be enough to push her through the course with a passing grade. Only time will tell if it was all worth it, or if blood will be shed when the professor ultimately discards the book-based homework in favor of much more infuriating but easier to grade WebAssign page.      


The Eggplant FSU