Freshman Who Would Never "Buy His Friends" Currently Taking Out Loan To Join Honor Society

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In the habit of joining every resume boosting club in high school, FSU freshmen of all majors are desperately looking to join any sketchy club with heavy fees and questionable objectives. While many have decided to go the fraternity and sorority route, others who claim they would never “buy their friends” have decided to take the moral high road and pay for their qualifications instead.

FSU Freshman and recent graduate from West River High School Lucas Metelka is positive that his best extracurricular investment were the quarterly dues paid to his high school’s National Honor Society chapter. “I never actually went to meetings or events, I really just did it for the cool t-shirts,” he explained as he turned around to display the back of his hideous cobalt blue shirt that read “If at first you don’t succeed...ask us.” “That’s why when Honor Society Phi Eta Sigma’s bot sent me, along with thousands of others, 63 emails within a single week about being one of the lucky students accepted to pay them $90, I knew I was finally home. It gave me a sense of belonging, unlike Pike. I don’t know, just something about buying your friends really rubs me the wrong way.”

Many students share the same sentiment as Metelka. Freshman Robert Cruz, a new fee-paying member of (dis)honor society Sigma Kappa Alpha Mu, shared his beautiful homecoming story after being recruited by an omniscient Greek alphabet deity. “I wouldn’t say they blackmailed me but I’m definitely a little confused as to where they got some of that information. Not that the so-called information they claim to have exists… but better safe than sorry,” he nervously giggled while Venmoing a complete stranger $250.

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At the end of the day, it’s important for students to join organizations based off of their interests and what fulfills them, despite how it looks on a resume. If you are trying to dig deep but you really are just a dull person and your interests truly are only about looking good on paper, may we suggest this:

The Eggplant FSU