Annoyed Roommate Asks Attached Lovebugs If They Could Keep it Down in There

After two years of having to deal with human roommates who role play season 2 of Game of Thrones with their half-cousin at 2 AM, Junior Andrea Hinshaw decided to move out. She found a new roommate, Clover Moore, in the hopes of a quiet atmosphere for her biology studies. However, since the earliest days of second flight season beginning in the balmy August heat - or cuffing season, as some call it -  Moore and her boyfriend have literally been inseparable. The tips of their abdomens have been permanently connected during their nuptial flights and it’s been stressing Hinshaw out.

For “like the fiftieth time this week,” Hinshaw had to knock on her roommate’s door demanding the two lovebugs keep it down in there. Moore and Anthony Sharpe (“Ant” if you’re his bro) were reported to have been going at it for nearly three days without paying any mind to Hinshaw,  just living their merry lives that will end immediately after reproduction.

“They don’t even care that I’m here! It’s like they’re just beings made for survival and reproduction with no higher meaning! It makes me sick,” squealed Hinshaw, burning her bio textbooks to make room for philosophy ones. “When I met Clover, she was just your average lovebug-hovering-near-the-door. But over the past few days, she’s spent all her time intertwining with other lovebugs in random patches of dewed grass, on top of portable barbecue grills, inside a pool’s water filter and most annoyingly, right in the privacy of her bedroom!”

“Yo I heard about that Clover Moore chick, everyone says she’s a freacc. I actually just saw her on my windshield the other day with that tool, Anthony. What else is new?” Laughed freshman Dart Benton, secretly wishing he could last that long.

Back at the apartment, an angry Hinshaw packed her bags to move on to the next roommate specimen - a traditional American roach or maybe a pack of friendly house flies. Before finally leaving for good, Hinshaw screamed her final battlecry over the couple’s lovemaking: “FOR GOD’S SAKE, AT LEAST WEAR A CONDOM!” But it was too late, for Moore and dear Ant were merely corpses surrounded by their 350 larvae.

The Eggplant FSU