Organization That Claims It’s Not About Popularity Bases Contest Entirely on Social Media Likes

While it’s common knowledge that the Greek system exists at many public colleges and universities for the purpose of cultivating close relationships across racial, gender and socioeconomic lines, it is lesser known that these same organizations are NOT about popularity! For this reason, Greeks and non-Greeks alike were baffled when they learned that the groups chose to select their own “kings” and “queens” based on Facebook likes.

“It’s really bizarre. Greek life here has always been about inclusivity and cleansing itself from the weird popularity contest that high school was, so it’s odd that the preferred system of ‘voting’ is through social media likes and shares,” said GDI and weeaboo trash Raven Jocksbane. “I guess it goes to show that there’s more than meets the eye with some of these organizations. Believe it!”

“There’s nothing unfair about the unwashed peasantry voting for me through social media,” claimed newly elected Delta “King” Slash McRipstick. “When Mountain Dew needs to decide which flavor to keep on shelves, they run social media elections and if you try to tell me Mountain Dew isn’t the most democratic beverage in America, I’ll have my Royal Guard knock your teeth in. Dissent in my empire will be crushed with haste.” said McRipstick before crawling atop a throne made of tires and Coors Light boxes. Certain members of Delta voiced loud complaints about the results of the ironclad polling method, some even accused Slash of using paid services that create fake accounts to generate more likes and shares.

“The only truly democratic solution is for the “king” or “queen” to be decided in a Dark Tournament, pitting the members with the biggest hands against each other in a fight to the death streamed live on Twitch. I’ve drawn up sketches for the arena on my deviantart account and emailed them to every Greek organization on campus but I haven’t heard back yet.” said Raven Jocksbane. “On the bright side, Lester Holt replied to my Twitter DM within a few minutes so we’ll be able to see the first instance of my Dark Tournament tonight on NBC!”

The Eggplant FSU