It’s pomping szn! That’s right, the time for hours of menial tissue paper folding is upon us. Homecoming floats need to be covered and thousands of your organization’s dollars need to be spent. While tissue paper is, of course, the most noble of causes and completely deserving of the time and money dedicated to it, there are a few other options that could be fun to consider when it comes to blowing that chedda!
1. A Tiny House
The average tiny house costs about $40,000. Pomping costs about $10,000 dollars. Join up with your homecoming pairings and build a sick tiny house. Imagine fitting all 300 of you into 180 square feet and throwing a rager! We can’t guarantee it will be a good time but we can guarantee it is a better investment than tissue paper.
It is safe to assume your organization has more tissue paper than it does mayonnaise at this point. But think about it, do they ever have mayonnaise? This is a grave injustice in the registered student organization community. Money goes in one door and out the other and never stops to buy mayonnaise. Maybe next year consider the true needs of an RSO and use that pomping money on everyone’s favorite liquified white person!
3. Bribe The College Republicans to not bring M*lo Y**nn*p**l*s to campus
Look, everyone loves tissue paper but not as much as they should hate M*lo Y**nn*p**l*s. The College Republicans are bringing this satan incarnate to HCB. Republicans love money. Pool all the money that would be spent on pomping and offer it to them in efforts to stop them from letting someone whose tour is titled “Dangerous Faggot” speak on FSU’s campus.
4. All the trees
Trees cost money. No one really knows how much, but they definitely cost something. Luckily, your organization has some money that would normally be spent on tissue paper but instead could be used to buy all the trees. This would be really cool. There are so many ways to use trees.
5. Trade it in for pennies!
They say pennies are almost worthless, but they’re not as worthless as tissue paper! Take all that money your organization planned on spending on thin, colored paper that will ultimately wind up in the garbage and trade it in for pennies. Use the pennies to decorate the homecoming float for a more literal representation of how your money was wasted.
6. Every cardboard cutout of Joe Jonas in existence
Cardboard is kind of like tissue paper except thicker and a cardboard cutout of Joe Jonas is even better. Even better than that is every cardboard cutout of Joe Jonas known to man. It may sound like a worse investment than tissue paper but tissue paper can't comfort you in dark times like thousands of Joe Jonas cardboard cutouts will. It’s like Joe Jonas always says, “Tissue paper is a social construct.”
7. Literally anything else
Pomping has never made a single person happy. What does make people happy is spending money on things besides tissue paper. Spend it on meet-and-greets with celebrities you don’t like just to tell them you don’t like them. Spend it on a pair of shutter shades in every color. If you must spend thousands of your organization’s dollars, spend it on something you can be proud of (like wireless headphones!).