In an extremely unusual example of a pretentious economics major justifying his absence of human decency with free market theory, junior Adam Raymond refused to pay for his date’s meal because of his belief that “there’s no such thing as a free lunch!” Although the phrase usually relates to the difficulty of recognizing implicit opportunity costs, Raymond, like many of his economics major peers that both look and act exactly like him, decided to take his “superior intellect and desire to teach” a step too far when he went on a date with sophomore Julie Strickland.
“As someone who got an A- in intro to microeconomics, it’s my duty to teach everyone how money works,” said Adam, who dresses like he could sell you both a balloon and a time share. “It’s a shame I had to sacrifice the first date I’ve gotten so far in college to educate someone on how I’m smarter than them, but such is life. I only wish I hadn’t spilled my Diet Coke (with no ice) all over my I <3 Economics shirt!”
“One moment we were enjoying our respective meals at Outback Steakhouse™ and then the next he was flipping over the remainder of our Bloomin Onion’™, jumping up on the table,,,,,,,,,,, and yelling ‘fiscal responsibility starts at the individual level!’” said Julie, who said this was not the first time this exact situation has occurred. “I should have seen it coming, because in the minutes before he started yelling, he was complaining to me about how ‘cucks’ were ruining ‘America as it was intended to be’ and how he was extremely excited for ‘HCB 101 next Friday at 7 PM.’”
“Ah, to be young again,” Adam sighed, as he continued his downward spiral into graduate school. “Where must a full mind go to share what he’s learned with those who are stupid? Well, I suppose home football games are coming up again, so I guess I can get ready to bless the Free & For Sale comment sections about students who sell tickets with my presence. Oh yeah, is anyone looking for a Chance ticket? I have two I’m looking to sell, only $150 each!”