The entire city of Tallahassee was in jubilation on Saturday evening following Florida State’s resounding 31-13 victory over its hated rival from Gainesville and Daddy Fisher planting a fat smooch on the forehead of Dalvin Cook like a proud quarterback on his cheerleader girlfriend. However, amidst all the excitement, many Seminole fans have overlooked perhaps the biggest winner from Saturday night: Sean Maguire, who spent the postgame celebration of his last home game collecting MyCokeRewards caps from abandoned Coke bottles in the stands for some sweet, sweet points.
“Sure, Dalvin may have set the FSU record for most career rushing touchdowns on Saturday, but I scraped together enough Diet Coke caps to score myself a $10 Amazon gift card - just in time for Cyber Monday!” Exclaimed an exuberant Maguire while doing the math in his head to see how many caps he’d need to buy a Jameis Winston jersey. “I’m ALWAYS telling the guys on offense to be proactive and keep their eyes peeled, which explains why I was able to clean out half the student section of Coke Reward wealth before the grounds crew made me leave.”
“I gotta hand it to Maguire, he was pretty alert out there as soon as the clock ticked down to zero,” said Coach Fisher with a mix of sadness and regret hidden behind his eyes. “He had excellent form and scaled the wall to get in those stands quicker than anyone I’ve ever seen, or at least quicker than I’ve ever seen him move in practice. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him move in a real game situation, so I can’t judge him exactly there, but if he keeps up that speed and travels back in time five years, I’d say he has a good career ahead of him.”
Despite having not made a pass attempt in his last game at Doak Campbell, Maguire remains upbeat. “I still remember the first time the fans chanted ‘Mac Daddy,’” Maguire said as he squinted at the tiny 12-digit codes on the caps and entered them into his MyCokeRewards.com account with excellent precision. “If I decide to hang around after whatever bowl game Francois wins for us in a month, then I might be able to get some McDonald’s coupons and get a couple of Big Macs of my own, so I can be the true Mac Daddy….”