Donald Trump Announces East Wing of White House to Be Replaced With “Yummy” Deep Fried Oreo Stand

At a press conference this morning, President Donald Trump announced plans to demolish the entire East Wing of the White House, replacing it with what he calls “the yummiest treats in all of this glorious nation,” a deep-fried Oreo stand. White House officials outlined the timeline of construction, eyeing a completion date of January 2036 — just in time for the beginning of Trump’s 4th term. 

This is a project that has been on Trump’s wishlist for quite some time, according to Vice President JD Vance. “The president is always considering the interests of the American people, and I can’t think of a better way to spend taxpayer dollars than to build a delicious treat stand like this one.” Vance notoriously spoke out against deep-fried Oreos in 2016, but seems to have changed his tune. 

The plans haven’t been without criticism, as Democrat leaders voiced their disapproval of the renovation soon after the announcement. California Governor Gavin Newsom says the Oreo stand is a complete waste of resources and that “a funnel cake stand would have much broader appeal to the American people.” When asked about the project before a walk with his wife, former president Joe Biden said, “Ah- issa- afa- yo- you gotta- ifa- uh- I gotta- ina- look… Oreos are good.” 

This is the first of a long list of renovations planned for the White House, including future plans for a ride-through attraction depicting Trump’s entire life and a Starbucks that only serves Mint Majesty Teas with 2 honey. Trump said, “I have friends, they come up to me and say, ‘Don, you should have your own theme park ride.’ Lotta people say it. So we did it. It’ll be coming soon.” It is important to note that the U.S. Constitution clearly prohibits presidents from having their own theme park attraction.