Blowing Your Friends, And Five Other Harmless Pranks To Pull With The Sitting President

Nothing says “president material” like pulling some classic pranks with your boys, and The Eggplant is here to help any future inhabitants of the White House with ideas for your next harmless goof or gaffe! Say goodbye to spitballs and wedgies, and welcome to the stepping stones for your next election campaign. Thank us later.

1. Drain the swamp, then dump it onto a passing riverboat.

There’s no better way to prove your executive capabilities than dumping gallons of skunky swamp water right on top of hard-working Americans, just like Dave Matthews Band!

2. Swap the bathroom gender signs in Nancy Mace’s office.

What would get Nancy Mace more riled up than erroneous labeling of bathroom signs? Nothing, that’s what. Go swap those stick figures around and watch the fireworks!

3. Blow Bill Clinton because that’s his bag, baby!

Come on. There’s only one reason anyone knows who Monica Lewinsky is, so why not make a name for yourself the same way? Just lean on over and give “Bubba” a kiss on the North Pole! Surely this won’t have long-lasting repercussions on your political career!

4. Put a coworker’s stapler in Jell-O and blame it on Mexicans.

Do the fine people of Mexico have any idea that you dipped your coworker Jeff’s stapler into Jell-O? Doesn’t matter, blame ‘em anyway! 

5. Did we mention giving Bill Clinton the ol’ spit-shine?

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again–go back to the classics! We suggest revisiting Prank #3 on this list and making old Bill a very happy fella.

6. Cover up your best friend’s death.

Friendships aren’t defined by words, they’re defined by actions. Find a pal of yours (preferably a financier and sex trafficker) who’s doing hard time in prison, and lie like it’s going out of style! No need to worry if people ask why you two were so close, just tell them you never knew the guy and walk out of the room!