Long John Silver’s Admits They’re Not Sure How They’re Still in Business Either

In a slightly pathetic press conference this past Wednesday, Long John Silver’s CEO Nate Fowler confessed that he wasn’t sure how their business was still in operation. “It doesn’t make sense. Who in their right mind would trust a fast food chain to cook fish for them? Especially one with our name. I don’t want anything ‘long’ or ‘John’ to do with my food.” Recent reports have shown that the food franchise has closed over 253 locations across the country, which has come as a surprise to many since there’s no way they ever owned that many locations in the first place. When asked for comment, the CEO of Captain D’s said “Opp watch. Smokin that Long John Silver pack. RIP bozo.”