Boyfriend Who Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boy Friend Isn’t Your Boyfriend But Is Your Boyfriend But Doesn’t Want To Be Your Friend Or Boyfriend But He Is
With the smell of love and Health and Wellness Center appointments in the air, many feel they’ll find their other half in the city of romance (Tallahassee, Florida). While men of this area code are attracted to a positive, happy girl that they can ruin, much like a moth drawn to flame, some make it out alive to tell the tale. Although it’s valid to be confused by statements like, “I’ve never felt this way with anyone” when paired with, “I’m not really looking for anything right now”, therapists urge that girls personally affected by these sentiments look within and ponder questions of their own, such “what type of mold is at the base of his toilet” and “why does he always seem to be out of toothpaste?”
“I always say it’s just like a Nicholas Sparks novel,” started Samantha Gomez, veteran boyfriend-but-not-boyfriend haver. “But my not-boyfriend thought I meant Nicholas Cage and started laughing. I love a guy with a sense of humor.” Gomez is beautiful, popular, and perfect, and while her not-boyfriend personifies the adverse, she loves him, citing it helps her art and she feels as if she’s in her Lorde’s Writer in the Dark era. “I’ve tried to address our situation, but weirdly enough, whenever I text him my carefully calculated thoughts and feelings, he’s in the shower or went to sleep early.” Gomez scrolled through her texts, and compared his “i miss the way your hand feels in mine” messages to “r u on ur period btw?”
“No, yeah, I think she’s cool,” began Dax Smalls, donning glasses and high-water plaid pants. “It’s just, if we’re not dating, she can’t break up with me, or hold me to any standards at all.” He opted to conduct the interview from Gomez’s apartment, as he’d been staying there for the past 3 weeks. “I guess she feels like we should date since I sleep here every night, but honestly, I just don’t have a mattress pad at my place.” When asked to comment on his prior claims that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Gomez and would crumble up and die if she ever left him, he simply smiled and adjusted his pearl necklace. “She’s my best friend, but she’s more than a friend. We have sex. But I have sex with a lot of people. But she’s not really my friend. She’s the love of my life. But we shouldn’t date, cause, you know. I don’t love her. God, I love her.” Smalls went on to begin a monologue about his early childhood and mother relations, but the interview got cut short as he had a local thrift store to haunt.
While many women are in the purgatory of relationships, men could always consider leaving them alone and taking a walk to the center of hell, where they originated. Echoes of best friends perpetually asking, “are you sure you’re not gay?” flood this town, all in hopes for a brighter future. We hope you are gay as well. If you’ve ever found yourself in a “not-break up because you were never dating but you did like each other although you didn’t say I love you but you do love them but things are over now but maybe in a few years things will be different” type situation, we urge you to consider the following: In 5 years, you will be hotter, and in 5 years, his male pattern baldness will be dangerously close. Best wishes.