Journey Admits “Don’t Stop Believin’” Was Only Intended To Be Played With EDM 40 Years Into the Future


Most would agree that the music industry today is nothing like it was back in the day, just like everyone’s older cousin puts it after referencing their college anthem, “Like A G6” by the Far East Movement. Nowadays, it seems as if the recipe for the perfect club banger is a TikTok catchphrase looped over what could easily just be a modulated AOL dial-up tone. However, once you can no longer fist pump your book money down the drain to a new Old Town Road remix featuring Bernie Sanders, there’s always some reliable tracks to get the people going. Decades after its original release, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” continues to play a role in the late-night escapades of college students, with the added modern benefit of a sick underlying EDM track. Recently, the band has revealed that the song’s ultimate purpose was to be a true club banger and not just a song moms everywhere insist “doesn’t get old” every time it comes on the radio. 

“People often say the future of music is unpredictable, but then how do you explain our vision that “Don’t Stop Believin’” would one day be paired with what can only be described with robot shart sounds?” asked die-hard Journey fan and coach of a little league softball team, Michael Singer. “Of course, there were a few “Glee”-related hiccups, but we’re back on track. Sure, it hurts a little bit that the anthem of my teens is being played at nightclubs to handfuls of children pretending to experience the ‘nostalgia’ of their eighth-grade dances. But I can’t say I’m not impressed that they’ve all learned how to bump n’ grind to the world’s least sexy song.”  

“While we haven't yet gotten the Spongebob remix we hoped for, we have come pretty close to meeting our musical goals,” said the lead singer of Journey Arnel Pineda while creating some new beats with his free online Ableton trial. “I remember the day we finished recording the song, and we all agreed it was only at half of its true potential. We just knew it was missing the unique sound of electronic cigarettes crackling among the masses while being played through a speaker that someone had just spilled an alcoholic seltzer on. We knew the future of music was headed somewhere dark, and that one day, no matter how bad the lyrics or how annoying the chorus, listeners would sing along as loudly and as off-key as possible, as long as the song had a moment of pause followed by monstrous bass-heavy return. Oh, and for the record, we also predicted the Janet Jackson Superbowl halftime show tit-slip, but that’s beside the point.” 

Regardless of the horrors done to the original song with whatever remix is playing, “Don’t Stop Believin” is an absolute smash that will have you questioning whether or not you really want to jump into the Recess pool. It’s not easy to turn a song usually reserved for high school graduations into a 2k19 bop that sits alongside “Hollaback Girl” on a ‘Party Schmood’ Spotify playlist, but of course, that came as no surprise to the writers of the legendary chorus, “streetlights, people.”

The Eggplant FSU