Game Changer! Political Science Major Drops Major Bombshell: “Both Candidates Are A Joke”

Wow, I bet that nerd Nate Silver didn’t see this one coming! >:)

Even with all the polling data in the world, no one could have predicted what sophomore political science major Jeff Eggbert would reveal about this election. When confronted casually about his opinion on the ongoing presidential election that will either keep the decent status quo or send the nation into unprecedented economic turmoil, dweeby Eggbert boldly declared, “I think both candidates are a joke!”

WOW! Good luck accepting that one, mainstream media! :O

With clear intellectual leverage, as evidenced by his B+ in Introduction to Comparative Politics, this sophomore just completely DEMOLISHED the case for the two-party system and opened the door to a flood of third-party candidates. No longer will straight white males be restricted by the shackles of laws set by equally boring straight white males in ill-fitting suits and ill-fitting ideologies - no, this revelation by a 19-year old college student seems to have poked a hole in the 200-year old electoral college system.

“I think the choice is easy, honestly. Girls wouldn’t like me if I voted for a man who has openly bragged about sexually coercing and assaulting women, and my masculinity makes me uncomfortable with the idea of a woman dictating the laws of the land, so my best option here is to throw my vote away to either a worse version of Bernie Sanders or a stoner governor,” said Eggbert, ironing out his “Nice Guy” T-shirt and Googling ‘how exactly does the Electoral College work?’ “I may not have the motivation or capacity to try and create sustainable change in my country, but the least I can do is make a protest vote in an election where the stakes have literally never been higher, as a way to both reaffirm my hatred of women, who remind me how shitty I am, while condemning racism that is only slightly too blatant for my own tastes.”

Incredible! We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, Jeff! :D
Despite the fact that a majority of Americans are likewise unsatisfied with the two major candidates but have sucked in their pride enough to not be a little pissbaby about it, Jeff is trying to get it on the ground floor of a new political movement by voting for a candidate whose electoral ceiling is literally zero votes. We can only hope that there will be at least 537 people exactly like him so that his childish actions can have some sort of impact on the presidential election!

The Eggplant FSU